| I will never be the same again,
I can never return, I've closed the door.
I will walk the path, I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again.
This song used to mean something entirely opposite.
I know who I was then; I'm not sure who I am now.
I would've never approved of who I'm becoming, but I'm becoming the person who I've been suppressing for years.
You probably won't be able to tell the difference.
I haven't closed the door; your attempts to hold it open are futile.
Let me be. |
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| i'm on paper now.
maybe someday i'll come back.
consider this a hiatus.
breaking away from technocracy |
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| I want to run, far and hard.
I might not come back for a while.
I can only fight so hard, but I can't do this for much longer.
I'm so tired.
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| i want to turn this song up so loud that i can't hear anything at all.
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| Before every policy debate tournament I've ever been to, I start to lose my voice and feel like I'm dying. I just hope this tournament isn't like Sac State last year, when I once layed on the table in-between rounds and had Mark throw Sudafed at me.
I need my debate partner to pick up the phone, call me, and tell me that the AFF is done, or at least the 1AC.
I get really nervous. However, I already know that this tournament will completely obliterate any speak streak that I was on, and it will probably be immeasurably embarrassing. Hey, we're open. Why? Because Jared said so, and in my experience, I should do whatever Jared tells me or else I lose.
And, I'm trying to break my fear of actual commitment.
Here's how I work. I want commitment, but only to the level where I know I don't have to share you with anyone else. Any more than that and my SNS kicks fight or flight into gear. I suck, but I try to deal with it, and so do you.
Thanks.
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